things i wish i could say

1. Don't hurt me again.
2. I don't want to be your friend, and telling me to get the stick out of my ass is not going to make it any better.
3. Get a life.
4. I. Don't. Know.
5. You're a stupid bitch with a bad propensity for saying the wrong thing every time you open your pug mouth.
6. Stop making excuses for shitty behavior and learn to be a little bit of an adult.
7. If you had learned anything at all, I wouldn't still be dealing with that double-standard crap every freaking day.
8. You are the reason I'm terrified to move home.



Last night I started working on my story again after reading several 2-page reports of it. Despite the criticism, I felt inspired to work on it (and that usually doesn't happen after criticism... I usually just want to give the manuscript to rabid dogs and see what happens).

But last night, around midnight, I found myself typing away at a brand new beginning. That's right: not only was I writing new stuff, but I was re-writing, too. I never re-write. I hate re-writing.

Steve is now... Stella, Jo's sister. Makes more sense for my character. It took quite a bit of convincing, but I think I always kind of knew that my short story didn't have room for a sub-plot.

And now, after class yesterday, I really want to write a play again. I mean, I've only written two, and the second was better than the first, which clearly displays an uphill trend, meaning I should try again!


the crane wife 3

New music for me. Learning and living anew all the time.


possessing strength

Here's how it goes, then. I matter to me, just me, and I am lovely to me. I can do what I want to do, and I can gauge the consequences on my own. I can make decisions for myself. I can love myself. I can move on.


cats make the world go 'round

Have you ever stumbled upon something that was so diabetically sweet you almost cried from the sugar rush?

It's an ad. For cat food. And here I am, grinning like an idiot.



Someday, I am going to matter to someone. Someday, I will matter.

Maybe, if I keep telling myself that, it'll come true. Do things work like that?

I am a smart girl. I know better than to repeatedly make the mistakes I make. Then why do I keep making them?


thank god and greyhound

I deleted my match.com account.

    Yeah, it was kinda like that.

I intend to meet someone who's not a creep, and I intend to meet them by complete chance.

shrug it off

Here's to a long life and a merry one,
a quick death and an easy one,
a pretty girl and an honest one,
a cold beer and another one!

- Irish saying



She said I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over,
where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California,
I'm tired of the weather.
I think I'll get a lover,
I'll fly around to Spain.

Oh yeah, well I think I'm going to Boston.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise,
I'm tired of sunsets.
Hear it's nice in the summer,
some snow would be nice.
Oh yeah...


stressed break

Fuck fuck fuck FUCKITY fuck. Screwiest spring break ever. In terms of friends, it had ultimate highs and worst possible lows. In some ways, I can't wait to get the hell back to school. In other ways... I don't want to go back.

I went on a date and it was terrible.
My "friend" threw a temper tantrum during my birthday party.
My best friend acted more like my boyfriend, and guess what? He has a girlfriend.
Speaking of that, I have worked my ass off to stay the hell away from his girlfriend, and I fucking met her last night, entirely against my will. She knew he and I were hanging out and swung by to check on him. How slimy. How absolutely slimy.
I screamed to the point of blowing blood vessels around my eye. Now I have purple freckles on one eye.

My dad says that cursing is the last refuge of the intellectually desperate. That could be true. Or it could be that I am so beyond frustrated and angry that my vocabulary has really taken that much of a header.

Happy spring break. :|