I want to scream. Something is wrong today... really terribly, horribly wrong. I want to scream until my lungs rip, and I want to pull someone's hair and tell them that everything is their fault. Unfortunately, nothing in my life is anyone's fault, not even entirely my own. I'm just really... really... frustrated.
I want a couple material things right now. I want a haircut. I want some new, up-to-date clothes. I want a bike. I want coals for my hookah. That's pretty much it, at this point. And I can't get any of them. I know that sounds petulant and childish and what have you, but it's beyond frustrating. I have $30 to my name. That's it. $30 to last me the summer. And then what? Get a job then? I just highly doubt that I'm going to get hired. I don't know what it is, I just have this sinking feeling that it's not gonna happen. If it does, spectacular, great! Still doesn't solve all my problems, but wonderful.
...I miss my friends. So many of them are here, but either they have plans or I can't afford to get to them or I can't afford to do anything with them. It's like being in a glass room and watching things happen without you.
I'm feeling very disillusioned and depressed today. More so than usual. I want to get on my bike and ride somewhere and clear my head, but -- oops! -- I don't have a bike. On top of all that, my self esteem is completely in the toilet. So do something about it! Get off the computer and do something! Do what? Work out? Why? It's never had any effect in the past, why would it now? Also, I absolutely hate working out. I have yet to find some form of it that I enjoy, that makes me feel good about myself.
In short...
Nothing is perfect.
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