1/22/11

losing the war, and now the battles, too

I went to sleep angry, and I shouldn't have done that. They usually say that with reference to going to sleep angry with a lover, but that's not how it happened for me last night. I went to sleep angry at myself, mostly, I think. Angry at my one and only ex-boyfriend and the terrible parts of our relationship that I'm now not so deluded to look past, of course, but I think more angry at myself. I stayed. I let it happen. And now I'm still angry, still falling for the same old tricks day after day, letting my guard down for even a moment -- but a fatal moment, indeed. Worse, still: glancing at my phone to see if perhaps I missed something, a certain specific something. (I didn't. And I'm not going to.)

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